"Judges are but men, and in all ages have shown a fair share of frailty. Alas! Alas! The worst crimes of history have been perpetrated under their sanction, the blood of martyrs and patriots, crying from the ground, summons them to judgment." Charles Sumner: Address, Massachusetts Republican Convention, September 7, 1854.

"Extreme justice is extreme injustice."-Marcus Tullius Cicero.

My name is Barbara Bobit; I'm 16 and pinch-hitting for pop who is following this month's convention circuit. After reading his editorials for the past ten years he finally got the message that he can easily be outdone by one of the younger and sober generation. Since he is basking in the bar room light and working the expense account for all it's worth (he approves them himself, I'm told), it is natural that he would turn to those of us who are already burdened. I won't say that he likes to travel, but he has not missed a press preview (if it has an open bar) since 1962 when Bobi Jo, my kid sister was born. It seems that was a call for special imbibing at home. In fact it doesn't really take much of an occasion.

Anyway, I called Red at the office to find out what was happening in the auto world. Red said that he thought the big (really big) news was the grand jury indictment of some of the big fellas in the industry for some kind of conspiracy. Now I have always heard pop tell us at home that the people from GM, Ford and the like were super people. You know, God fearing men; men who have had their share, or more, of problems with new consumer agencies and a guy named Nader and things like that. Mom tells me that they also throw some heavy parties for fleet men and often serve booze so pop usually shows up.

Well, I asked Red to explain this Federal grand jury business so I could make sure 'that everyone knew about it. He said not really everybody wants to talk about it and it is difficult to understand. Well, he just does not realize how astute this new generation is; he is like pop. So I told him to try me. Red said, "No way; here is the file."

It isn't that complicated at all. Gosh, it is a groovy situation. Little Uncles, like some city and state purchasing departments, were having a super time buying cars for like $1,500 when pop (who is also a taxpayer; look at the stamp on a bottle of gin) was paying $2,500. And some people thought that maybe the car companies were being what you call patriotic; they were giving their governmental friends a price that maybe was even under what it cost to make the cars. So then, some top dude says that the stockholders have more coming and every customer really should share an equal burden; they became neat (realistic) and started charging a fair price. Well, you can imagine what happened. The other car makers thought that the day would never come for someone to break the ice. They followed suit. Now it is nice to say that you get rid of an unprofitable situation but you can imagine the screams from those buyers who are on a budget, like we are at home on everything but gin. They got senior Uncle to bring 'em all in with their records and attorneys and the court was a gas.

Now here is where I really lose track of things. What I learned in school is that when you raise prices you are not putting other people out of business. It should help your competitor. It just is not clear to me how the man in the cloak (it was not Zorro) figured it any other way. One thing he did was to find out something about the overall business of selling cars to fleets.

It seems that he feels that when you buy more than one car you should not give a man a deal of some kind. I know that from just being down by the soda fountain that nobody pays the exact same amount for a single car at the dealer next door. And I know that I can buy my jelly beans much more cheaply when I buy them by the pound than when I only have a dime for the small pack. So if pop gets back and dries out, maybe I can ask him about it.

After thinking about my jelly bean purchases, I went to the library and read everything I could on price and pricing. Then I figured out that it was all a waste of time. Just about everybody really buys on cost, not price, for the intrinsic benefit and value. Isn't that an axiom in the business world the way it is with the teenage jet set?

Another thing that worries me is that the judge keeps talking about "restraint," "monopoly" and such. I just don't think that the judge has been close to the fleet business. For years pop has told us about the "nice guys" at Ford and GM who battle royal every year for the fleet business along with the others. And the way Olds and Buick went at it last year made me think that we were going to have another revolution in the market. Pop says that everything was going so well until this legal stuff came up. Mom's been short on the pizzas and goodies we usually have ‘cause she says you just can't tell what's going to come of it. Somehow we always have enough gin.

If any of you can give me the real skinny on this one I'd appreciate it as we never know when pop is going to split the scene for another press preview or convention with the wet bar and I just may be stuck with this job again. Hopefully, then, Red will tell me that the big news is that Uncle has let nice people be nice to other nice people.