Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways.-Will Rogers

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.-Earl Wilson

The automobile is technologically more sophisticated than the bundling board, but the human motives in their uses are sometimes the same.-Charles M. Allen

My name is Barbara Bobit Logue. I really thought my writing days were over, with two "little grabbers" keeping me on the run. But Pop is really on the go this month, attending AALA, NAFA, AFLA, and a national waterbed show - yes, he's a publisher in that market too. And I made the mistake of needling him about his March editorial, in which he levied some heavy constructive criticism at NAFA's Board (he remains the staunchest supporter of NAFA after more than 23 years), and I nominated him for "Chump of the Year Award," not realizing this assignment would be my retribution.

Since I've successfully tagged Pop with an award and have a full file on recent events, it might be well for me to consider giving out some other awards. (Pop says that after originating the "Fleet Man of the Year" award and presenting it at the annual NAFA meeting for years, they cut him off; probably should have been the "Fleet Person of the Year" anyway.) My awards are:

To Congressman Gene Taylor (D-MO) and sponsor of the H.R. 1415 legislation: The Cold Shower Award.

Who in their right mind doesn't believe in volume discounts as a part of the American free enterprise system? Anyway, what's wrong with Olds creating special customer key-rings for Tupperware when they buy 6,400 '84 Ciera wagons in one clip? Wonder if Congressman Taylor has ever shopped for his liquor at the case price.

To NADA and Ford Dealer Alliance's Edwin Mullane: The Mockingbird Award, for supporting H.R. 1415, a bill for the birds.

To General Motors: The International Odd-Fellow Award, for unusually high visibility of their formal ties with Toyota, Isuzu, and Suzuki, and a pact with Korea's Daewoo for mini and subcompact cars. Doesn't GM know that the big cars are going like hotcakes and that small ones are about as popular as diesels?

To Senator Patrick Moynihan (D-NY) and Senator Max Baucus (D-MT), The You've Got To Be Kidding Award, for introducing similar bills limiting the depreciation on cars selling to businesses for over $15,000.

Limiting depreciation will not only have an effect on those entrepreneurial lobbyists in Washington who squire around the legislators who will be weighing the cost, but it also will impact the nation's doctors, board chairmen, and business managers in general, those accustomed to riding in a Mercedes, Mark, or Cadillac. Do we really want Lee Iaccoca driving around in a Colt?

To both Porsche and Honda management people: the "Loftier than Thou" Award.

To Porsche for shunning the VW and Audi ties, choosing instead their own super-distributorships, while assigning the former Porsche dealers to the role of a broker on commission; and to Honda for opting to select a whole new series of dealerships for their expected importation of higher-priced mid-size cars. (With all the dealer woes surfacing during the strong upsurge in sales, NADA keeps asking, "Is nothing sacred anymore?")

Pop will be back next month, but you should know that this assignment is really fun for me. It sun beats changing diapers.